Helping a Friend in need?
I need advice.
I have a friend on my cheerleding squad who is really having trouble making ends meet. Her mother is unemployed, so she is forced to work six and a half hours each day after school and cheerleading practice to pay for her family. She wears ratty, old clothes to school everyday. She doesn't bathe regularly, her face is always broken out, and her hair is always greasy because of her lack of hygiene products (her mother takes her weekly paycheck and makes her and her siblings choose between purchasing body wash or shampoo, they choose body wash).
I decided to go through my own home and find things to give this friend of mine. I packed a bag FULL of every kind of hygiene product, most of which are brand name, quality products (matrix hair supplies, estee lauder, clinique, and avon make-up and body wash). I also threw in tanning lotion (she always says she can't afford tanning salon visits and she's embarassed to be the palest girl on the squad), clearasil, repairing lotion, etc., French Manicure sets (for upcoming formal), just basic "girl stuff". I decided to give her clothes as well. I packed some gently used Abercrombie&Fitch and Hollister shirts and some sweaters that I have never even worn.
I intended to leave the bag with my coach (who also help the girl quite a bit) in order for her to give it to the girl and that the giver would remain anonymous. I want so badly to help her. However, I realized when I was finished with the bag that she might be offended upon recieving it.
What should I do??
Would you rather she ---didn't--- have those things?
There's a chance either way that you'll become despondent and jaded to helping those in need upon seeing her when this issue is resolved (given or withheld). People with that kind of stress will soon learn that kind of pride you're afraid of inciting in her is less essential than getting back to par with her peers.
If anything, take a long closed-eye meditation on this as if you were in her position. How would you react?
If you go the anonymous route I think there's more a chance of her feeling creeped out like someone is watching her wear these new clothes to school every day...just smiling at her and feeling like some kind of hero...like she's some desperate welp in need of charity...and it's this that can become a problem as it will instigate a sense of separation from everyone around her that "has it easy". She may come to resent or distrust everyone around her for having let out personal family info that resulted in "special treatment".
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You should have someone's mother give it to her in person, privately, so this girl can put a familiar face to a good-hearted gesture (just one mother, not a whole group....this isn't an intervention). The anonymous route is the creepy-diminutive route so tread carefully as you could really ostracize her and ruin the one place, school, where she isn't busting her butt to save the family.
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February 25th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Well first giving it to her in person would be probably better because then it shows her who gave it to her so she wouldn’t worry about someone she didn’t know stalking her. (unless you were going to leave a name tag.) i say you should do it, but give an excuse, example: "hey do you want this stuff my mom bought me? I don’t want it because they don’t fit and the Hygiene stuff isn’t the type i like." by saying this you make it look less lake pity charity and more like you giving her unwanted supplies.
References :
February 25th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Would you rather she —didn’t— have those things?
There’s a chance either way that you’ll become despondent and jaded to helping those in need upon seeing her when this issue is resolved (given or withheld). People with that kind of stress will soon learn that kind of pride you’re afraid of inciting in her is less essential than getting back to par with her peers.
If anything, take a long closed-eye meditation on this as if you were in her position. How would you react?
If you go the anonymous route I think there’s more a chance of her feeling creeped out like someone is watching her wear these new clothes to school every day…just smiling at her and feeling like some kind of hero…like she’s some desperate welp in need of charity…and it’s this that can become a problem as it will instigate a sense of separation from everyone around her that "has it easy". She may come to resent or distrust everyone around her for having let out personal family info that resulted in "special treatment".
*+*+*+*+*+*+*___ANSWER___*+*+*+*+*+*+*
You should have someone’s mother give it to her in person, privately, so this girl can put a familiar face to a good-hearted gesture (just one mother, not a whole group….this isn’t an intervention). The anonymous route is the creepy-diminutive route so tread carefully as you could really ostracize her and ruin the one place, school, where she isn’t busting her butt to save the family.
References :
February 25th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Go ahead, it is anonymous, take a chance, you mean well, if it backfires what the hell, you tried.
References :